One of my biggest roles models from around age 14-present has been Rivers Cuomo of the band Weezer. Rivers is the kind of guy that has all these mythical stories surrounding him because he lives a very interesting life: “You know, he once stayed inside for two whole years!” “You know he only eats green vegetables!” “You know he wrote 18,000 songs in one day once and keeps them all in a notebook protected by fire!” Most, if not all, of these mythical stories are untrue. Sure Rivers is an interesting guy but he’s not crazy. In fact, he’s far from crazy. I’d call Rivers a very introspective and self aware kind of person. And that part of his personality is what has inspired me to become the Justin Hoenke that I am today.
If you looked at this blog from the beginning up to the present, you may think that some crazy egomaniac of a human being has written every post. You’re entitled to your opinion and in some cases I think you’re spot on with your judgement. But what I say is this: I only really know myself and how I feel at any given time. I don’t want to fake it and put out opinions and judgements on things that I don’t really understand to the fullest. That’s boring and not who I am. I’d rather be honest and messy and put it all out there….hence this blog and an abundance of posts on self and growth and all that jazz.
Sometimes I wish I could just copy/paste things I’ve wrote and put it up as a new post because they all seem like the same: I’m learning this! I think it is good to be nice to people all the time! I’m messing up a bit but I’m growing! I don’t because somewhere in my mind I’m convinced that each time I post I’m saying something new. Maybe I am. Who knows. All I know is that I’ll keep doing this.
In 2014 I learned a lot about transformation and growth. I adopted new roles in my personal and professional life that have challenged me. I’ve learned that library work is library work and life is life. Sleeping when sleep is needed is great for the soul. Not worrying about things all the time is an amazing way to approach life. Cutting the grass and tidying up around the house is very satisfying and honestly, the thing I wish I could focus on the most while I am alive here on the planet Earth. I have two paths in front of me in regards to my life as a librarian: one into more management and leadership and the other into a bit of management and a bit of the on-the-ground librarian type stuff. Both sound like good paths but in the end I can choose one. I don’t know what one that is yet. Maybe that’s what 2015 is for. There’s also this nagging feeling that I’ve come full circle with my professional interests and goals (one of which will be revealed in 2015!) and now it is time for a new challenge. I don’t know what any of this means. I just know that I have these feelings and that I have this blog and that’s where I’ll put everything for now.
My gut tells me that this is becoming a very rambling post. My gut tells me to wrap it up so that’s what I’ll do. I have really like being alive in 2014. I hope all of you reading this have enjoyed life this year. I think all of you are great human beings and I am happy to share this crazy little thing called life with yinz all. 2014, you’ve been interesting and great and messy in so many ways. 2015, you’ll probably be the same way. Cut and paste. We all keep on growing and learning. What other way is there?