My brain does not stop. I think about things a lot. My brain acts like a computer program. IF THIS THEN THAT. What comes next? Where do I stand? What do I do? Where do I go? I call this the blessing and the curse. I am thankful that I can always remain mindful about what’s going on around me but at the same time I want it to stop at certain points of the day. When I get this way I like to write. I’m thankful that I have this blog for this reason.
When I started this blog back in 2009 I had the idea to make this a place where I shared anything and everything that was in my mind. Somewhere along the line it became a blog all about library stuff. Last year it felt like it became a place where I only talked about the library stuff that I was part of these days. I’m traveling here! I’m traveling there! I am doing this! Things didn’t feel quite real and authentic to me. I wasn’t painting the full picture of who I was. 2015 has been one big quest to reclaim that authenticity in my writing and in my life. I can’t fully explain it but I’ll try.
I don’t feel that connected to the world. I imagine my family and I as part of the world, but maybe just floating on a hoverboard right out of the view of everyone else. We’re part of it all but at the same time kind of right over here just doing our own thing (on our hoverboard). Over the past five or so years of my life I have made a very strong attempt to get away from all of that and be part of the rest of the world. It has been a most interesting journey. There were times where I thought that it would all work out well. There were other times where I felt like I was this weird person that I did not know. All in all, things have been back and forth.
I buy into the whole “I am what my astrological sign says I am” and I am a Gemini. I feel this pull from one extreme to the other every day of my life. My wife Haley noticed that about me from the first day we met. She’s always told me to find the middle and to not be so extreme. We’ve been together 10 years now and I’ve always listened to her….and I think I’m getting closer to the middle. The middle is what I want it to be. I make up my own middle. Every step of my journey…from Pennsylvania to Washington to Pennsylvania to New Jersey to Maine to Tennessee and now back to Pennsylvania has helped me understand “my middle”. The cast of characters, my family and my friends, all along the way have helped me get to this place….and for that, I am eternally thankful. I can’t list everyone here but just know that if we’ve interacted over the past ten years in this journey of mine you’ve been a positive part of the whole thing. I thank you for that.
When our family finally closes on the purchase of our house/church combo as our primary living space later this month/early next month, I will say that I believe have found the perfect physical representation of my middle. There’s something about owning this property that makes me feel very content and happy. I like the possibility that both the house and church offer my family. I am excited for my kids to tell the story that they lived in an old church. I am most excited to build a fence between the two properties that will act as a courtyard/portal between the two locations! It’ll be very fun and eye opening to build this with my family. It will be great to open up this property to our friends and family who want to visit and live with us and share moments together for a brief time.
All of this? Awesome and exciting.