Older Colder Full of Balance and Awareness


Yo. I’m 35.5 years old and if all goes according to genetics I may be half done with my life.

Both of my grandfathers lived to 70 years old. They didn’t really take care of themselves (I know they enjoyed alcohol, nicotine, and non-stop never ending work) and I am very much a different person (one beer per month, never have smoked, and I enjoy relaxation very much). I know life expectancy and all that is a crap shoot (I could be sitting on nuclear waste for all I know right now) but it just really makes you think about things and it helps you prioritize how you wanna go about your day-to-day life. You realize that you don’t have all the time in the world and that in order to actually say “yup I’ve done something” you’ve gotta do something.

In the last year or so I feel like I’ve toughened up a bit in my approach to life. Something switched on in my mind and started telling me to not to be too lazy, not to get involved in drama, and instead to just do stuff. I’m a walking chunk of slowly dying flesh and molecules and I’m here to do stuff. I don’t have time nor the energy to listen to or take part in the he said she said passion play that we as human beings love to stage. Longest running show on earth! A Broadway smash!

With this change comes a weird feeling…I can only describe it as “cold.” I am aware of this change and will not let it consume me. I can see how people become bitter and more and more conservative as they get older now. It is a change and it can become everything that you are if you don’t watch out. Balance, as always, is key. The first line of the song below sums it all up.

I am gonna stick it out here on Earth and do exactly what my new motto says:DO GOOD SHIT ALL DAY EVERYDAY NO DRAMA NO BULLSHIT JUST DO IT DO IT SHUT UP AND DO IT. Whether it be in a library, at my home, in my community, at Fidelia Hall, or even just in my mind I’m gonna do it do it do it and not look back. I don’t have time for the games! All I got time for is this moment in which I WILL DO SOMETHING.



  1. Leave a place for compassion and empathy where it belongs. I don’t think “cold” is the word I personally use…I think of it as creating “boundries” of what is allowed in my life and what needs to be designated “not in my yard”.

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