Not everyone is cut out for management and leadership, and I am definently one of those people. In between 2015 through 2021, I got a chance to be a library leader at 3 different libraries. Each one was unique and challenging in their own way, but at the core of it all I just did not and still do not have what it takes to lead a group of people, a library board, and a whole community as their Library Director. I learned this through my experience doing the work. I couldn’t have known it any other way than having tried it out myself. However, the whole time being a Library Director there was always something nagging me in my gut saying that I shouldn’t be there. One lesson that I’ve always tried to follow (I failed here, but I grew) was to trust my gut. The library world and its leaders in the late 00’s and early 10’s were big on talking about stepping up to the plate and leading libraries. I get it. They were trying to grow their future leaders for when they retired. I was not set out to be one of those leaders, but I stopped listening to my gut, drank the Kool-Air, and tried something different. Money was also a factor. Libraries, from what we all know, are a pretty low paying gig for something that requires a Master’s Degree. With a family of four behind me and student loans for both adults plus mortgages, insurances, etc, I had to earn more in order to take care of those. Jumping into Library Management and Leadership was a way for me to remain in the profession and pay the bills. Youth Services did not. I followed the money in addition to not listening to my gut. Those are two things that I have learned to stop doing.

I am glad I tried it. I would have wondered what it would have been like had I not went for library management/leadership. I think I did a passable job in Titusville, PA at the Benson Memorial Library. I wanted to be better for Wellington, New Zealand and those libraries, but the shock of moving across the world and then pandemic topped off with a completely different way and attitude towards work in New Zealand made me hide away more than I should’ve. I should’ve never went for the last stop in Gardiner, Maine as the people, the boards, and the communitities didn’t click with me from the start. Once again, I should’ve listened to my gut. My library experience should have topped off at work in Youth Services, specifically working with tweens and teens. I connect well with that age group and I really believe that age group is where we all should be looking for inspiration on what to do and how to do it in this world. Listen to the tweens and teens, understand what they want in their future, and as adults we should work for them. That’s a post for another time.,

I apologize to the communities and people of Titusville Pennsylvania, Wellington New Zealand, and Gardiner Maine for not being the Library leader that they needed at those times. You should have had someone else, and now you do, and I hope you’re thriving.